This past week has been a most trying one for me because of so many things, but one interaction sticks out most of all. You see someone whom I do not know and who does not know us made a comment to your mommy that really bothered me. What the person said doesn’t matter, but the aftermath does matter. That one comment burst open a dam of questions and doubts for your mommy.
All of these questions and doubts revolve around whether or not your daddy and I have cheated you by uprooting you from your homeland. This question doesn’t have a good answer and can be and probably will be debated by people. Some will and have told us that we have indeed done so and should have never adopted you. I shudder even now as I type those words. Really? Yes, people have said and will continue to say that we have cheated you by adopting you and will in the end only hurt you by doing so. And these very same people will have research to back it up. Others will tell us the very opposite that we have saved you and have made your life full and worthwhile. We have had people tell us this as well. They too will have their research to back it up.
In the end Mommy really thinks it only matters what God says on this issue. His Word is clear that we are to care for the fatherless. James 1:27 is one verse that states this. Pure and undefiled religion before our God and Father is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself unstained by the world. John 14:18 tells us that Christ Himself said that He would not leave you as an orphan because He is coming for you. Indeed He did not. He did not leave your family as orphans either as He adopted us into His family through salvation.
I know to you this isn’t the same, and right now those verses are just big words that don’t mean a lot to you now. They will one day. I know they will. You see my dearest daughter, your daddy and I prayed for you. We prayed hard for you. We prayed that while we were apart that Jesus would care for you. We asked Him to sing to you, tuck you in at night, play with you, and care for you when you were sick. We asked Him to provide for you and to watch over you. And you know what, Esther? He did those things for you and so much more.
How you ask? Well, He provided a loving mother and father that cared for you while you were in your mother’s tummy and for at least three months after your birth. And after that, He provided people in your village to provide for you until you were placed into an orphanage. And even there, He cared for you. You had sweet nannies that took care of you for eight long months before He gingerly placed you with your foster parents who would provide for you until the very day we came for you. So my sweet Esther, Jesus has never left you. He has always cared for you and provided for you. He gave you so much and so many people to care for you.
And guess what? He still has. He has given us to you and you to us. He is the One that brought you into our family. He is the One that chose for you to be our child along with your older siblings. You are our child. Our daughter. You might not be bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, but you are mine. You are no less my daughter than your older sister. You are no less my child than your older brother. You might not look like us on the outside, but you are part of our family. You always will be part of our family.
Esther, I will not be able to change those that question our family and the choice to follow God to a foreign land and bring you into our family. I will not be able to replicate here the culture of your homeland. I will not be able to cook the foods like you enjoyed there. It is highly unlikely that I will ever speak more than one or two words of your native tongue. I cannot change those things. I can’t focus my energy on the things I cannot change. It would be a waste for you, for me, for our family. That would be detrimental for us all.
So, Esther, your mommy chooses to focus on the things that I can change. I am going to focus on the things that I can do for you. I will love you with all my heart. And yes, there is enough room in my heart to love you, your brother, your sister, your daddy, and even the dog. And Mommy still has room in her heart to love so many others. I will love you.
I will do my best to provide for you in every way that I can. I will lean upon the Lord in order to be the best mommy that I can be for you and your siblings.
I will try my best to teach you about your homeland. I will leave the cooking and language to the experts though.
I will share with you about those that touched your life before you came to be with us. I will show you pictures and tell you all that I know. It might not be much, but I will not leave anything out. I will hold nothing back.
I will teach you about the One that cared for you before you were conceived. I will teach you about the One that has cradled you in His hands and who will continue to do so. I will teach you about Jesus who loves you more than your mommy and daddy ever could. More than all of your mommies and daddies ever could.
I’m not a perfect mommy, Esther. I make mistakes. That won’t change. My love for you will not. I will not stop loving you and doing my best to make a difference in your life.
As I look back upon the past 14 months, I can see a dramatic change in your life. I can see how God has changed you in so many ways. I see His fingerprints all over you. To those that question us and criticize us for adopting you, I will say this:
My God is enough to handle your doubts and concerns. My God is enough to handle my questions and doubts. My God is enough. And it was He that orchestrated our lives and wove a scarlet thread together with Him right in the middle. My God is enough, and I will praise Him because of that. We are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image. He made us for each other, and I will praise Him. He is enough.
And you know what else, Esther? God doesn’t need our permission to do anything that He does. He doesn’t need our approval to knit our family the way He has. And as your papaw has said so many times, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” Amen! A resounding Amen! He didn’t make a mistake when He created you or any of us. He didn’t make a mistake when He placed us in your life and you in ours. No, He knew and still knows what He is doing.
Yes, our God is big enough to handle it all. Praise His holy name!